Author of The Last Prince of the Mexican Empire, etc.

C.M. Mayo < Publications < Poetry <

A found poem,
from offers on
www.fiverr.com on December 10, 2010



I will slice your psd into html and css
I will spy on your boyfriend
I will send you a laser cut and etched gingerbread man
xxxxxxthe list of zombie survival tips
xxxxxxa Hot New Toy from SANTA
xxxxxxa birthday card signed 'Jackie Chan' and posted from Hong Kong
xxxxxxmy secret blogger autoblogging technique
xxxxxxmy Family Secret recipe for Yummylicious Oriental BBQ Chicken Wings
xxxxxxa rock that I have energized with Reiki in your name
xxxxxx6 origami straw stars

I will plan your wedding in an Irish castle
I will plan your trip to Singapore
I will answer 10 questions about Berlin, Germany
xxxxxx4 make-up and beauty questions
xxxxxxthree surveys of your choosing
xxxxxx2 questions about being a Pilot
xxxxxxa Contact Lens question

xxxxxxxxxxxxAny question you have about the Navy
xxxxxxxxxxxxAnything you need to know about frogs

xxxxxxI will ask my Magic 8 Ball any question for you


I will tell you my honest opinnion [sic] about a book your [sic] writing
I will proofread your essay and correct it with feedback too!
I will revise your resume
I will review your French resume
I will read a poem to you really well
I will read the headline of your choosing while in a man-sized chicken suit

I will write a short, cheesy rap about the topic of your choice
and perform it on video dressed as a hotdog

I will record your Christmas message in my beautiful British accent
xxxxxxyell any English word or sentence out of my third story window and record it with my webcam
xxxxxxsing and record song in russian for u
xxxxxxlisten to your own song and tell you what I think about it
xxxxxxlisten to that secret you carry around with you
xxxxxxlisten to you vent and rant about anything under the sun for 20 minutes
xxxxxxxxxxxxfor 10 minutes. Vent, rant, opine, bounce ideas, cry, whatever

I will listen to you complain about fibromyalgia


I will do anything from Los Angeles
xxxxxxcreate a blogspot blog for you
xxxxxxmake it snow on your blog!
xxxxxxintegrate the facebook connect in your blog
xxxxxxpromote your tumblr on my quite popular tumblr

I will inform you about Pakistan
I will tell you the true story of Santa Claus
I will teach you how to make a ball of fire in your hand
xxxxxxJava programming for half an hour
I will check your Japanese tattoo to be sure it says what you think it says

I will turn anyone into a stamp
xxxxxxremove scars and enhance 3 of your photos
xxxxxxtake a photo of anything you want in San Francisco
xxxxxxmail a random, anonymous, hand-drawn sketch to anyone of your choosing
xxxxxxgive you joomla template unique design
xxxxxxtweet to 17,000 followers twice
xxxxxxshow You How To Remove Thesis link Attribution at the bottom of the Thesis Theme

I will have my dog eat a copy of your homework

I will call your child as Cookie the Elf and record it for you
I will write your child a letter from Kermit the Frog
I will write a 5 page Fairy story in your child's name
I will write a phrase of your choice on my body
I will write your name or business on my arm or back and walk around St Louis for a day
I will write your name in Sharpie on the side window of my awesome old station wagon

I will write your name on a grain of rice


I will create and say a prayer for you or a loved one for 30 days and then release it to the universe
I will say a deep prayer for you for 10 minutes
I will write 7 personalized prayers for you regarding any situation
I will pray for you every night for 5 nights
I will pray to Jesus for you for 3 days
I will say the Rosary for you on 2 consecutive days
I will say a prayer for you and donate the money to my church
I will send your prayer requests to the throne of God
xxxxxxxxxxxxI will tie your deepest wish to a live tree

I will be your penpal and send you cute stuff!

I will play duke nukem 3D on xbox live
I will teach you the basics of the secret language Double-Dutch
I will send your Jewish friends a letter from Santa
xxxxxxyour child a letter from Santa's reindeer, Rudolph
xxxxxxyour songs to Radio station in London England, UK
xxxxxxyou a set of my custom bat house plans
xxxxxxxxxxxxan authentic solid silver US Mercury dime
xxxxxxxxxxxxthe best recipe for baked ZITI ever
xxxxxxxxxxxx1 handcrafted tuxedo fish ornament if you live in the US or Canada


I will do absolutely nothing
I will
accept a tip or bonus
xxxxxxhumbly accept a tip
xxxxxxbegrudgingly accept gratuities if you must
I will accept
your donation
I will accept your $5 and be very grateful for $5